Sometimes we have to make difficult decisions. Those decisions can take all of who we are to make them. It then takes all of who we are to stick with them. Pain is a part of life. That’s literally just how it is. There are some things we go through that we would just rather not go through. It hurts and a lot of times it hurts like hell. Our hearts are broken like they’ve never been broken before. We cry more tears than we thought possible. We ruminate on what could have been and what, in our eyes, should have been.
There are two things you can do with the pain that you face: 1. Allow it to destroy you. Allow it to undo all that you did to get to where you are now. Allow it to smash you into an insecure nothing. Allow it to literally steal all of your drive and wipe your vision completely away. 2. Let the experience show you all that it can show you. All of the good and all of the bad. Looking at each with eyes full of tears but with a heart that remains hopeful.
A broken hopeful heart is better than a broken heart.
Let the experience show you how to appreciate the beauty that exists in your every day. Let the experience push you to a higher level of yourself. A level with a few more scars than before but with much more understanding of living. Let the experience purge away what it was meant to purge away and walk forward with hope… You see, it’s rather simple. Just one word separates both options. Hope. Without allowing yourself to have some hope in walking through hell, you only leave yourself with that first option.
The moment you allow yourself to feel even the smallest touch of hope; hope in yourself, hope in your dreams, hope in the next thing working out better than this thing. Then, you find yourself giving in to the second option. The second option will lead you to a much brighter day than that first option ever will. Accept this pain. Allow it to be what it is and allow it to hurt. Allow it to hurt but DON’T allow it to destroy. Personally, I’ve experienced pain. As we all do.
Recently, I’ve walked away from a relationship that was purely toxic in every form. In walking away from that relationship, I’ve also had to mostly walk away from the daughter of this person. She was and will always be my babe (the little girl). I got to hear the little Baby Bug’s voice last night over the phone (the grandmother and I are still close). Imagine wanting so badly to be a beautiful little girl’s daddy, but you just have to walk away. That shit hurts. And let me say that from the moment I met her, I fell for her immediately.
I went from loving singleness, like really loving singleness, to wanting to be a dad in an instant. I told you earlier in this post to, if you could, maintain hope. I have hope. My hope is that Laila has a fuller life than her mother had. A hope that Laila will grow up to make better decisions than her mother did. A hope that maybe someday, her and I will be a constant part of each other’s lives. But my greatest hope of all is that Laila will find peace and love in her life. That’s not only my hope but also my prayer.
Hope and prayer tend to be one and the same…
This is not a “poor me” post. I believe the best teaching is teaching through example. How can I talk to you about pain, if you don’t know about mine.