For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be famous in some capacity. As I was growing up it began as a movie star then an animator, a wrestler, a pro-skater, a rockstar, and now I guess I want everyone to read my blogs. What is it about fame that draws us? Why do we crave attention (some of us more than others)? I did realize that I wanted to see the world and travel when I was singing in the band, but there was still a desire for more. Possibly a desire to be recognized when walking through a book store; in fact this did happen to me once and it felt great! When I told a friend that I was starting a tutoring company, she said to me, “You’re always doing things to help people.” This sentiment and idea are slightly reflective of the previous post regarding living and success, but another piece of it shows that there seems to be more going on beneath the surface of what we believe we want; something below the surface of our dreams.
It’s not that I wasn’t planning on using this business to help people, but it is something that I saw I could become successful with in such a way that I could do what I love full-time without the burden of another job; I could be a leader, I could make the decisions, I could take this thing national and travel anywhere and everywhere! But wait, I’m helping people too; I sort of missed that part in a sense. When you’re starting a business from scratch, money is a very prevalent thought and you spend a lot of it with start-up fees. It is only natural for money to become a primary motivator but you must maintain that it was not the primary initiator.
The purpose of this post is to show that the primary initiator has varied components that make it up. Is fame, in and of itself, the main attraction? Maybe not as this quote goes on to explain: “ ‘Name one hero who was happy.’ I considered. Heracles went mad and killed his family; Theseus lost his bride and father; Jason’s children and new wife were murdered by his old; Bellerophon killed the Chimera but was crippled by the fall from Pegasus’ back. ‘You can’t.’ He was sitting up now, leaning forward. ‘I can’t.’ ‘I know. They never let you be famous AND happy…’ ” -Madeline Miller, The Song of Achilles.
This makes the glamorous aspect of fame a touch more difficult to see. Maybe it isn’t fame then that I’m searching for, maybe it’s financial freedom. But how far can that freedom take us? Oscar Wilde wrote that, “no man is rich enough to buy back his past.” I may be able to pay the bills, and help other people pay theirs’, but I am limited to change the things in my life with the change in my pockets. The limitless aspect is defeated. Could it be that I am searching for love and adoration? … I don’t have a quote for this one, but I believe the answer is yes.
It is foolish to believe that anything, any dream, we go in search of would be void of love. Receiving love, giving love, knowing love, just being love. Looking back when I sought this fame through ever-changing avenues, it may not have been specifically to be noticed in a public area, but to truly live a life with a mission, passion, excitement, adventure, desire, awakening, joy, sorrow, peace; I was never chasing fame, I’ve been chasing life.